Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
