oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
