I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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