She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize