So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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