Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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