Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
