I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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