i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
