So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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