Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
