The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
