dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize