Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
