My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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