Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
