dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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