When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
