So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
