Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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