We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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