I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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