I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize