help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
