does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
