Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize