I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
