my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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