Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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