Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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