i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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