went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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