He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
