I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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