addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
