Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
