This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
