I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
