I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
