This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize