Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
