if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize