Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
