I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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