He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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