i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
