I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
