not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize