You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize