Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
