there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
