it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
only you would photoshop your dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
