so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
