i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love accidental penises.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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