After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
