I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
