you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
