Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize