her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
