Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
