you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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