I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
