I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
