she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize