Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
