woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
