Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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